Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Trixie's Ate-E-Kit

Socialites !

September is flying by,WHOOSH!, and here we are in the middle of another busy social scene.

Many of you seem lost, confused, and befuddled with the rules of polite society.
I understand your pain, as I was once an awkward swan, but years of experience have helped me to cultivate the manners and style of a society broad…I mean lady.

Condi Rice called me last week and begged for a few of my simple points for dining out with the very chic. She was especially anxious about the proper way to eat a whopper.
(For those of you who live in remote areas, a WHOPPER is a very large hamburger, usually topped with stuff you might find at a cheap salad bar.)

You will note in the slightly altered photo that I am gripping the whopper with a firm grip, however extending the pinkie finger in the air. An extended pinkie finger signifies good breeding. You can also wiggle the pinkie to acknowledge a friend or signal a waiter.

Open your mouth as wide as possible and take a quick and decisive bite.

You are bound to spill some content, so be prepared to smile, even though your mouth is covered with condiments. Cheerfulness and fun is the trademark of people with so much money, they don’t give a damn!

However, if you fear you cannot eat the whopper without squirting the entire party with ketchup, lettuce, and bacon drippings, might I suggest you ask your hostess for a cloth napkin.

Wrap the whopper in the napkin, leaving a small section exposed. You can now take a small nibble without fear of dropping bloody goo on the other guest, or your evening gown.

Nuff said?

MEANWHILE, speaking of goo, Kenny did a pen & ink doodle of UNCLE SAM, which ran in Monday’s WSJ.

Your favorite burger queen, I remain,


No comments: