Tuesday, July 22, 2008

TRIXIE has a TWIN...

Darlings !

Can you believe this HEAT ? I've resorted to filling the tub with ice cubes and zest of orange peel and soaking for hours. Not only is it amazingly refreshing, but afterwards I smell just like a creamsicle.

MEANWHILE,they say that everyone has a twin somewhere in the world. Well, I've seen my twin, and her name is CINDI MC CAIN. Yes, the same Cindi McCain that you know as the younger wife of Senator McCain.

I look just like her. Well, that is I would look like her if I had six hundred million dollars and owned a big beer distributing company. Take away the immaculately coiffed and dyed hair, the perfect makeup, the designer wardrobe, and that look in her eyes that says, " I'll be so damn happy when this election is over so I can go back to shopping", and you've got me.

She married an older man with dreams, I married a slightly older man with nightmares.
Her husband was a prisoner in Viet Nam during the war. My husband was in and out of several prisons during the war, but he never left New Jersey.

Beer and booze have played an important part of Cindi's life. Same here.

She once rang up a seven hundred thousand dollar credit card bill for one month. Well, I'm capable of such a thing, but all of my cards are currently maxed out.

She says little, and always has a pleasant, yet slightly glazed look in her eyes. Yep, me too.

And speaking of GLAZED, my boss, Kenny, did drawings of the late baseball player/sports announcer, BOBBY MURCER, and actor ROBERT MORSE, featured on television in "Mad Men", and the inventor of the Morse Code.

Your favorite snowcone, I remain,


Wednesday, July 2, 2008

TRIXIE...where have I been???


I hope you didn't miss me much. I had to take a vacation and get away from Kenny and all of his madness.

This year I called my friends at The Twilight Zone Travel and Bail Bond Agency and booked a tour of America's Favorite Federal Penitentiaries. We traveled via "deluxe" motor coach, which turned out to be a refitted yellow school bus, complete with individual folding lawn chairs, personal flashlights, and a camouflage patterned curtain to enclose your private area.

There was no "powder room" to speak of, but the driver was usually willing to pull over to the side of the road. Sometimes we even stopped at twenty four hour truck stops.

My fellow travelers consisted of prisoner’s wives, girlfriends, mothers, and boyfriends. Their enthusiasm and gaiety helped to make the time fly by.( although I could’ve lived without the constant sound of babies crying)

This trip made me feel grateful for my children and assorted husbands, lovers, and one night stands. Yeah, I thought I had it bad till I heard some of their tales of woe.

The highlight was a chance for me to purchase refrigerator magnets from every prison we visited. I am now the proud owner of a miniature electric chair, noose, leg irons, and bar of soap.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Kenny did a drawing of the late, great, TIM RUSSERT, which ran in the WSJ.

Your favorite prison matron, I remain,