TRIXIE goes for the gold.

Friends ,

I am so exhausted from the Olympics . Yes, I am an athletic supporter, but the remote broke on our TV, which meant I had to get up and down to adjust the volume for my old worn out husband,
Tumble Willis, Jr.

Since we don't actually have our cable box hooked up legally, the reception can be iffy at times.

Poor Tumble, his vision is so off, anytime he saw someone dive in the pool he thought it was his first cousin, Droofus. Come to think of it, Droofus and Michael Phelps do resemble.

I wonder if the Olympics Committee would ever consider my home town, Pigs Foot, New Jersey, for their next big event? They could use the Pigs Foot High football field, plenty of free parking at the Piggly Wiggly grocery, and I bet the No-Tell Motel would be willing to put clean water in their pool.

Oh, boy, if that were to happen, property values would go up, and we could move outa this dump!

Kenny, my gold medal employer, did a drawing of the late ISAAC HAYES and SENATOR JOE BIDEN, which ran recently in WSJ.

Till we meet again, I remain,

Trixie

Trixie: MAY I BE BLUNT?

Oh, hello !

I've been so busy trying to find Summer jobs for my hateful grand kids, that I hadn't noticed the mail piling up. Seems that several of you have been writing for my worldly advice, and I do apologize for the delay.

Meanwhile, I found jobs for those lazy bums, and you'd think they'd be grateful, and you would be wrong.

Dear Trixie,

How do you get rid of those awful dark bags under the eyes?

Thanks,

Rhonda Raccoon
Dinah Shores, Michigan

Dearest Rhonda,

A lot of people place thinly sliced cold cucumber slices on top of and around the eye area. This is good, but I take it further and dump an entire Cobb Salad on my face. It removes those ugly bags, prevents snoring, and you never wake up hungry.

Dear Trixie,

Is it ever wise to lie to children?

Nat Leopold
Swampview,South Carolina

Dear Nat,

I've never stopped lying to my kids, with, I might add, mixed results.
My daughter, Casablanca, still believes in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and that babies are delivered by the Stork. She has five kids of her own, so, perhaps it's time to tell her the truth.

Dear Trixie,

Where can I go to find true love? I am a forty seven year old female, with skinny legs, no hips, dry skin, questionable gums, frizzy hair, tone deafness, and a fondness for Madrigal hymns.

Loretta Nutsoyung
Stoney End, New Mexico

Dear Loretta,

There was postage due on your letter, so, you failed to mention that you are also a deadbeat.

If I were you, ( and THANK THE STARS I'M NOT!), I would apply to the Peace Corps, a tanker ship, or a job at a Federal Prison.

****** MEANWHILE, my boss, Kenny, did two new drawings...Alexander Solzhenitsyn for today's WSJ, and MARIO LOPEZ for....Mario Lopez.

Your favorite girl-of-the-month, I remain,

Trixie