Oh, hello !
I've been so busy trying to find Summer jobs for my hateful grand kids, that I hadn't noticed the mail piling up. Seems that several of you have been writing for my worldly advice, and I do apologize for the delay.
Meanwhile, I found jobs for those lazy bums, and you'd think they'd be grateful, and you would be wrong.
Dear Trixie,
How do you get rid of those awful dark bags under the eyes?
Thanks,
Rhonda Raccoon
Dinah Shores, Michigan
Dearest Rhonda,
A lot of people place thinly sliced cold cucumber slices on top of and around the eye area. This is good, but I take it further and dump an entire Cobb Salad on my face. It removes those ugly bags, prevents snoring, and you never wake up hungry.
Dear Trixie,
Is it ever wise to lie to children?
Nat Leopold
Swampview,South Carolina
Dear Nat,
I've never stopped lying to my kids, with, I might add, mixed results.
My daughter, Casablanca, still believes in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and that babies are delivered by the Stork. She has five kids of her own, so, perhaps it's time to tell her the truth.
Dear Trixie,
Where can I go to find true love? I am a forty seven year old female, with skinny legs, no hips, dry skin, questionable gums, frizzy hair, tone deafness, and a fondness for Madrigal hymns.
Loretta Nutsoyung
Stoney End, New Mexico
Dear Loretta,
There was postage due on your letter, so, you failed to mention that you are also a deadbeat.
If I were you, ( and THANK THE STARS I'M NOT!), I would apply to the Peace Corps, a tanker ship, or a job at a Federal Prison.
****** MEANWHILE, my boss, Kenny, did two new drawings...Alexander Solzhenitsyn for today's WSJ, and MARIO LOPEZ for....Mario Lopez.
Your favorite girl-of-the-month, I remain,
Trixie
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