TRIXIE Welcomes SPRING...

Angels,

Once again, I failed to win the Easter Bonnet Contest on 5th Avenue. Disaster struck when my bonnet, done up to depict Moses leading his people across the Red Sea, tipped slightly to the side, and the damn water spilled over and drenched a troupe of Girl Scouts dressed as mint chocolate thins.

I am, however, thrilled that Spring has arrived, and I can air out my trailer. I feel refreshed, I feel vibrant, I feel like having my toenails painted chartreuse.

Spring is when a young man's fancy starts to lean towards a young woman. Oh, would that my useless husband, Tumble Willis Jr. could even find his fancy.

Speaking of useless, my boss, Kenny, did a color doodle of the star of the new Broadway revival of "South Pacific", KELLI O'HARA, ( not to be confused with Scarlett O'Hara or Neely O'Hara), and legendary jazz pianist, MARIAN MCPARTLAND.

Your favorite blossom, I remain,

Trixie

Five dollar make you holler...

Concerned Citizens!

I am in amazement over ex-Govenor Spritzer's current situation.

I called my old galfriend, Voluptuanna Muldoon, ( the founder of Voluptuanna's School of Escorting & Shorthand), to inquire what a person should expect for five thousand dollars an hour.

" None of my graduates ever got that kinda bread." She said to me over her speakerphone.
" I would assume that besides the hanky panky, for that amount a "john", oh, excuse me, a
"client" would expect to have his teeth polished, a razor cut, his suit pressed, and detail work on his car."

I dunno, I am just amazed at the price of things these days. However, I suppose I should be grateful that my current husband, Tumble Willis,Jr. is completely faithful to me, even though he doesn't always remember my name.

If you asked me, I'd say that the only solution for all of this sexual scandal going in our government is to elect only homely women and eunichs.

Speaking of scandals, my boss, Kenny, did a doodle of the culprit, ELIOT SPITZER, which ran on today's editorial page of WSJ.

Your favorite faithful wife, mother, and secretary, I remain,

Trixie

TRIXIE wants a recount...

Dear fellow ultra conservative Republicans,

( no, I'm NOT asking for money)

I am so depressed. I volunteered, I made phone calls, I attended rallies, I gave money, and yet my candidate, Mike Huckabee, dropped out. Now, I have all of this energy, drive, and determination, and no place to put it.

McCain does nothing for me. He's old, slow, short, and his much younger second wife looks like she might have spent some time as a pole dancer, ( even though there is certainly NOTHING wrong with artistic dancing). Come to think of it, most of the Republican candidate's second wives look like former pole dancers. I'm surprised I was never married to any of them dudes.

Give me a break with the whiny Demos trying to sell us with the idea of the first woman or black President. Perhaps I should suggest that my party consider nominating Condi Rice, which would put us Republicans way ahead, with a BLACK, FEMALE, LESBIAN President! Uh, huh!!!!

MEANWHILE, my pinko boss, Kenny, did recent doodles of WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY and PETE HAMILL, for the WSJ.

Your favorite pole dancing Republican assistant, I remain,

Trixie