TRIXIE endorses...

MY FELLOW AMERICANS !

Who are these "undecided" voters? I am never undecided about anything, and have very little patience with those who are. In fact, I've already decided what I will order for dinner next Thursday...meatloaf.

Be that as it may, I have decided to announce my endorsement for President, just in case any of you are of the hopelessly pathetic "undecided".

I,Trixie LaFarge, age 39, lot B-12, The Black Lagoon Trailer Park & Miniature Golf Course, Pig's Foot, New Jersey, hereby endorse JOHN PATRICK MCCAINE for President of the United States.

What can I say? He reminds me of my Dad. He is old, hateful, and will leave your mama for a younger thing at the drop of a hat. Sure, that's rough, but it builds character. McCaine will watch out for America the way he watched out for his first wife. If America has an accident and get's a bit overweight, He will dump us and hitch up to a younger, prettier, and richer nation.
We would all benefit.

Obama is way too smart for me. How can I relate to him? He's too impressive, and that scares me. Bush never impressed me. I felt very comfortable with George W. I like a President I can relate to. ( and vice versa!)

If mcCaine croaks, and Sarah Lee Palin takes the throne, well, once again I'll feel safe and comfy.

Now, let's not let politics cause a rift in our relationship. I'll still love you, even if you're a socialist/commie/liberal, it just won't be easy.

Meanwhile, my pinko/stinko boss, Kenny, did a drawing of actress, ELISABETH MOSS, for the WSJ.

Remember, vote early and often !

Trixie

TRIXIE...smokin' !!!

Dear Ones,

This is my favorite time of the year, except when I start to sniff the scent of burning leaves, which reminds me of how much I miss smoking.

Yeah, I quit my three pack a day habit, because I ran out of places I could actually light up without being harassed, booed, tormented, or mugged.

Smoking was fun, it was cool, and it gave me something to do with my expressive hands.
It felt so chic and sexy to place a filter-tip between my lips and have some suave gentleman or ruddy faced sailor whip out a lighter and share his flame.

I began smoking in the third grade, which explains where I spent all my lunch money. I smoked during all seven of my pregnancies. I even smoked during the deliveries, and all of my kids turned out o.k. I think.

Our little trailer was always filled with laughter, music, and smoke. Tumble Willis, Jr., my husband, never knew the color of the livingroom walls. He assumed they were smoky dingy, if such a color exist.

Of course my love of the ciggy is nothin' compared to my best gal pal, FiFi Krampschlitz.
FiFi loved smoking so much that she named all of her kids after her favorite brands. Yeah, there was WINSTON, KOOLS, MARLBORO, CHESTERFIELD, and her little girl, VIRGINIA SLIM.

I've been told that FiFi plans to come to my annual Halloween Tupperwear Party this year as a car muffler. Anything for a smoke.

Speaking of fumes, my less than scentillating boss, Kenny, did a doodle of BARACK OBAMA, for the WSJ. I know for a fact that Obama is a closet smoker.

Your favorite ash kisser, I remain,

TRIXIE

TRIXIE...hear me roar !

My Public,

Some of you probably heard that I made my New York cabaret debut this past Friday night, it went off without a hitch, and nobody was hurt or arrested.

Last year, in an attempt to break into Show Business, I was all set to make my debut, when the New York Board of Health shut down the club one hour before I was set to perform. I was devastated, but was encouraged by the fact that I was one of the few entertainers to ever be shut down for health code violations instead of bad press.

Anyway, I did two well received songs, some personal patter, and not one piece of fruit was tossed in my direction.

Several people who witnessed my debut have already begun inquires as to my next appearance. Am I a hit? I dunno, but I want to thank all of the people who trekked over to see me, and with the help of a few stiff drinks, sat up facing the stage and paid attention to my efforts.

MEANWHILE, my sober boss, Kenny, ( who claimed to be way out of town last Friday night), did two drawings in the WSJ. PAUL NEWMAN, the late and great actor, and MARY MC FADDEN, the eccentric fashion designer.

Your favorite curtain call girl, I remain,

Trixie